Underperformance, Conflict and Pay: Navigating Sensitive Issues As a New Manager
I became a coach after 20+ years as a CPA, marketer, agency founder and functional leader, and I bring all of that lived experience into everything we do at Reframed Coaching. This is especially true when it comes to helping new managers navigate the tough conversations that catch almost everyone off guard.
And tough conversations do in fact catch managers off guard. According to Gallup, only 14.5 percent of managers strongly agree that they’re good at giving feedback, which explains why so many of us feel unprepared for difficult conversations.
The good news is that tough conversations don’t have to feel stressful! In fact, these sticky situations can become some of your strongest leadership moments.
I want to share what I wish someone had given me when it comes to navigating tough conversations at work for the first time so, without further ado, let’s get to it!
How you can navigate sensitive issues at work as a new manager
Tough conversations get easier when you stop treating them like one-off crises and start treating them like actual skills you can build.
How do you do that? Good question.
1. Start with the story you’re telling yourself
Before any sensitive conversation, check your internal narrative. New managers often assume, “They’ll get defensive,” or, “I’m going to mess this up,” or “I’m going to hurt their feelings.”
Like any anxiety-inducing situation, I’ve learned over the years that half of my stress came from the story in my head, not the situation itself!
This is where CliftonStrengths can help. If you lead with Empathy, for example, notice how you may over-index on how the other person feels. Your natural Empathy ensures you don’t come across as too aggressive. If you lead with Analytical, you might overthink the details. But that means you’ll go into the conversation with all the facts.
Leaning into your strengths while remaining aware of your blind spots is going to make it easier to stay grounded.
2. Prep a neutral-toned and clear strengths-based script
When stakes feel high, structure is your friend. So, when you’re talking about something as sensitive as pay or performance, use SBIR:
Situation: When the situation happened
Behavior: What happened / The specific action
Impact: Why it matters
Request: What you need going forward
Anchoring your conversation in this framework and using Strengths language will help you soften defensiveness. For example, you may choose to lead with “Your Achiever strength is such an asset to this team. During yesterday’s team meeting, I noticed you said yes to all the requests from our Product team without consulting the rest of us first. This impacted everybody’s workload as we were already at full capacity. Going forward, can you check in the rest of the team before saying yes to ad-hoc requests from other departments? That’s what needs to shift so you can deliver at your best while still leaning on your Achiever strength.”
3. Ask the one question that changes everything
“What do you need right now to be successful?”
This question is great at opening the door to honesty. Whenever I’ve asked this question, I’ve seen individuals shift instantly from being on guard to being collaborative with you. Essentially, it makes people feel invited into the solution, rather than judged for the problem. It also helps you uncover the real barriers that are blocking progress, whether it’s unclear expectations, workload, confidence or skills.
4. Keep the conversation small, human and forward-looking
You don’t need a perfect speech (really, you don’t). You need a calm,specific, and genuinely curious conversation.
For underperformance: Stay behavioral, not personal.
For conflict: Focus on what happened, not who’s “right.”
Based on peoples’ Strengths profiles, they’ll respond differently to tension. Someone high in Relator, for example, may want to talk it through with you. Someone else who is high in Deliberative may need space to reflect before responding.
Adjusting your approach to the conversation based on what you know about your team’s strengths will build trust fast.
Sensitive conversations are the part of management you’ll learn first
Every manager I’ve ever coached, no matter their background or strengths profile, has felt unsure in moments of hard conversation. That’s super normal.
What actually matters is how you choose to show up for your team. Ask yourself:
How can I be clear and direct without being aggressive?
How can I stay curious instead of confrontational?
Will I be curious about what my team needs?
Will I be grounded in my own CliftonStrengths?
Will I remain committed to giving clarity and direct requests even when the topic is uncomfortable?
The more you practice, the more you realize these conversations aren’t really about catching people doing something wrong (even what you’re talking about a performance challenge!).
It’s actually about getting curious, helping people do their best work and setting the tone for a healthy, high-performing team. As Gallup reports, 80 percent of employees who say they have received meaningful feedback in the past week are fully engaged at work.
Conversations on these topics don’t even need to be long-winded, either. According to Gallup, “15- to 30-minute conversations have a greater impact than 30- to 60-minute conversations if they occur regularly.”
So take a breath. Keep it human. Stay specific. Lead with your strengths. And remember this: You don’t need the perfect script to be an effective manager, you just need the willingness to listen and keep moving the team forward.
If you want to learn how to approach sensitive conversations through a strengths-based lens, explore Reframed Coaching’s Conflict Coaching & Mediation Course or sign up for a CliftonStrengths workshop here.